Clark Kent says: I’m more profane in real life than I am on this site. Find out what got me to act so uncouth after the jump.

Before we even get into it I have to break down what a B.U.M. bitch is so you can properly feel offended or not.

B.U.M. Bitch [noun] – means “barely understanding money,” bitch.

Now that we got that out the way I have a confession to make — I am a former B.U.M. nigra. I’ve been making money since I was a kid but I’ve never been hailed as no Miley Cyrus or nothing. Once I got the axe from the former 9-to-5 I had to really tighten up on my budget.

But just because I was put in a position to pinch pennies didn’t mean that I could get some lovin’, right? That’s what I thought when I met this young lady at Fort Greene Park. Our conversation was witty, not too snarky, she enjoyed asking questions — which is no secret a turn-on of mine, and her hair was next level soft. We agreed that our first date would be a surprise courtesy of me.

So I dug into my bag of magic tricks and came up with a few things to behold. Picture if you will starting off with attending one of the longest running independent comedy shows, then a Stoli open bar (I don’t drink anymore), ending the night with a Michael Jackson Memorial Sing-Along. Now imagine paying free.99 for it! Over the course of the date — we talked about funny stuff, why Will Smith has been replaced by a clone, and she kept raving about her new Louis purse she just doled out dollars for.

Two-thirds of the way through the date and she keeps sending subliminals about how cheap the date was. She asks sarcastically while taking strong sips of her Stoli, “How long you been living here?” I answered and she responded as if on cue, “…and this was the best you could come up with?” *Dead* I had no come-back. I tell her of a nice Italian restaurant in the LES and she’s game. We’re eating and enjoying the ambiance of the night when she picks up her phone to take a phone call. Whomever she was talking to she was letting all her in-the-house business out in-the-streets. She became immediately disgruntled about her gas being cut off. “How am I supposed to take a shower?” she barked to the person on the other end of the phone. “How am I supposed to cook?” I imagine that it was her roommate letting her know about ConEd’s dastardly tactics when it comes to non-payment of bills.

Angrily she hangs up the phone and Smart Aleck (yours truly) just had to ask the question. “Everything alright?” She shot that one down as if we’re in an aerial dog-fight. Then she begins a fifteen minute rant about ConEd singling her out, elaborating how they’re pricks for not giving her an extension, and how she always seems to be in a bad position as soon as she gets into a positive one. Again — yours truly had to pop the bubble on this broad’s dream-like landscape she seemed to be traveling on. I asked her carefully, “With all these issues with ConEd and overhearing your position — would you sacrifice that Louis to be able to cook or take a warm shower?”

Shawty looked me up and down as if I had just schmacked her momma. “You know how much I paid for this?” I looked at her. Then looked at the purse. Should have made a joke about a horse. I’m finding it harder to have genuine conversations amongst all this Internet double-talk so I dropped the conversation and tried to keep the night as positive as possible. In the end all I ended up with was a heighten curiosity for all things free, a partially full stomach, and a bill for $89 — that joke about a horse, umm, it was about her.

Ladies — Does being financially aware count when dating? Or should be Fast Times At Ridgemont High? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Clark Kent says: Don’t have the dough to get something special for your significant other? I can help you from ending up on the couch.

With the February 14th hype died down, I swear the lovelorn lotharios have that date highlighted for sheer $#!*s and giggles. As a part of the 9% that are in the 99ers Club, you’d think that I would be crying broke to any lady willing to give me some rhythm… and you’d be right. But don’t worry I’m not using tears of turmoil as an excuse and you don’t have to either.

Don’t Lose Your Day Job wants to make sure that your pennies don’t prevent your pimpin’. Below are ten ways to keep your recession lovin’ alive!

10. Write A Handwritten Letter –

Everything is rush, rush, rush these days. What better way to show your light-speed lover that you know how to love slowly than writing a letter using *gasp* a pen?! Those handwritten words of warmth will melt right in the mouth of your booski (scratch) significant other and promise an even hotter night.

9. St. Valentine’s Scavenger Hunt –

Not a lot of space in your place, but have oodles of love in your heart? Get some items that subtly let your mate know your feelings, hide them around the loft, and leave sticky notes in alternate places as clues. Your other half will laugh as she has a blast finding out what you got her @$$.

8. Be A Pampering Pimp (Or Pimpstress) –

These days even those who don’t have a full-time are running ragged trying to get one. With everyone on the go, go, go — you can bring some ease to your wiz by engaging in a night of fanciful frolicking. Bubble bath with scented salts, candles, and your own two hands can start the evening off right. A deep tissue body massage with your lover sprawled out on the bed adorned with soft, satin sheets may make you the talk of the town, and the unemployment line.

7. Dinner For Two –

They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (which is true). But if you can’t cook and don’t have the juice to pull a reservation at a fancy restaurant, then you can make what you know (breakfast at dinner) and freak it with love. Candles, a nice set-up, and you looking outrageously awe-inspiring will make a recession-esque meal into a four course f^(! session.

6. A Walk To Remember –

The weather outside may be frightful, but it takes a strong couple to be in love during the 21st Century. Grab your counterpart’s hand and together prove to the world that you’re everlasting by conversing while walking around town. Even if birds fall from the sky and fishes walk on land, your bond will be iron-clad as together (and united) you stand.

5. Party At A Museum –

Couples who are strapped for cash, but don’t want to let the holiday pass can take it the sights and sounds of the cultured by going to their local museum. Here in New Yawk, there are plenty that are free to attend. And if you want to get an early jump on March’s friskiest day of the week then head to MOMA or the Brooklyn Museum on the first Friday and Saturday of the month to enjoy the soundclash as the city’s best deejays mesh with the classics of Norman Rockwell or Andy Warhol.

4. Play Video Games With a Purpose –

Are you competitive? Is your significant other competitive, too? Make the best of it and place a bounty as the cherry on top by testing your mettle in a video game. You can go as serious as multi-players (Call of Duty, Gears of War) or casual (Scrabble, Dance Central). In the end, both parties are winners — celebrating with whip cream (and other assorted items).

3. Make A Mixtape –

Loving in the 21st Century means saying goodbye to the past. Luckily for all of us we’re not trapped having to record songs off the radio and can thank Steve Jobs for that! Set your relationship to the frequency that lover’s know and convert that mp3 mayhem into a mixtape that could be the soundtrack to the “boom boom” bass in your bedroom.

2. Capture Your Memories In Celluloid –

Whether it’s an awesome Spielberg iMovie flick that chronicles your union to the day or a photographic montage of the most craziest moments — creating a memory out of many notes that you’ve cherished the experiences while enjoying your time together.

1. Confess Yourself To Love’s Court –

No mon’, no fun is what “they” want you to believe. But at the root isn’t being together really about letting the one you love know how much you love “them”…? Serenade if you can sing, slam if you got poetic skills, you can even whisper if you want! But whatever you do on this day — let the person you admire know why because if you haven’t heard time is too short!

Clark Kent asks: What are recession proof ways to love on this holiday? Share your comments below!

Clark Kent says: This week’s episode was inspired by my Twitter trending topic. Let’s play a rousing game of #WhatIf after the jump.

There are plenty of possibilities where one’s existence can go on this highway called life. You can call it fate or even “the butterfly effect,” I choose to stick with the simpler phrasing, “What if…?” With one flick of the tongue you can spark an idea or give pause to the cause. Through the power of Twitter (#TeamBeSomebody) — I started a trending topic that gave birth to this week’s episode of SINGLE IN THE CITY. Enjoy! Share your thoughts in the comments below.

#WhatIf money didn’t determined the type of person you would date?

Would the one you’re with be the same person? Couples have a problem with being broke and with money no longer an issue — gone would be gold diggers and sugar daddies! They’d all be left to compete for reality TV gigs. In the end, as currency didn’t complicate your compatibility, it would be interesting to see if high society and high snobeity could make beautiful music together. It seems to already be working for Wiz Khalifa and ex-Yeezy-wifey, Amber Rose.

#WhatIf you were allowed a free pass to smash anything you wanted for 24 hours?

Cheating legalized? It’s the dream moment that Tiger Woods and John Edwards have been waiting for — but would I participate in this new age running of the bulls? No. I can only imagine that the clingy nature of couples could create a climate of catastrophe. You could just imagine the shotguns on deck anticipating philandering phillies attempting to plunder the puchacha.

#WhatIf you knew more wives in reality than on reality TV?

71% would be instantly happier if that was the trend. Hollywood, sensing the shift, would create a new lane in reality TV called “Really Real Reality TV” (when being “real” just isn’t enough). Knowing that you can make $280K while loving your spouse through sickness and in health could potentially do wonders for the economic — and TV land.

#WhatIf polygamy was ruled constitutional? Would you join America’s newest trend or remain a liberal?

If you missed my story on polygamy (click here) — America already has a hard time catching people on their taxes so making polygamy legal would be one less headache. But it may be too big of one for me to endure. Adding four-to-six women into your life just because it’s the U.S. of A way sounds good on paper, also sounds like it’s a lot of shepherding that isn’t rewarded with awesome polygamy sex (see: multiple-nagging).

Clark Kent asks: Got answers? What #WhatIf questions would you ask? Share your comments below.

Clark Kent says: If you missed Danika Windom’s guest starring role on SINGLE IN THE CITY — click here. She’s back once again for another episode!

Is it just me or have you noticed how influential the Internet has become over the past decade? I know I can’t be the only one who freaked out when my mom creates a Facebook account! I must admit… I added her as a friend with hesitation. Why? Because, like many of us, I have allowed these social networks to become a window into my life. For instance, there are pictures of me going out, of my friends and I, and you can see who I associate with. Updated status changes and Twittering are traits to being active on the Web and it’s a perk to see what other people think about how I feel. Now, my “friends” or “followers” have access to my personal life and can pass good or bad judgment on anything that happens without knowing anything about it intimately. Who wants their mom to see you passed out in a picture posted on Facebook?

Don’t get me wrong… I’ve been able to keep in touch with great friends who I thought I lost contact with after graduation. I’ve made business connections, met new people, and it’s even presented me with opportunities to write articles! Social networking isn’t far from being all bad, but like most concepts, can become abused by the majority. It has become the Average Joe’s Guide to Gossip and has been proven as a catalyst to ruining relationships. Is it the network’s fault? Heck no! Facebookers and Tweeters who think it’s cool to post all the nitty-gritty details on these websites give fuel to the fire. Giving the play-by-play about what they’re doing at that very moment becoming the next #TrendingTopic is insane when you think about it! We’ve lost touch of simple verbal communication. I can’t count how many times someone’s called me. Of course, if I didn’t answer then I’d text them back, and I’m not the only one who does that!

Now is our chance to chime in, but at the same time, do we really need everyone in our personal business? Not all relationships are situations filled with immaturity. Even the most composed person can be pull into gossip’s malicious trap and if you keep seeing someone talk about you, online or offline, chances are you may take a shot at them, too! In the end, and such is the case with love, you only know as much as someone is willing to share, and in love we have to look at the fact that most times people put so much online just to get some type of acceptance or gratification from others. Let’s face it — we all want to be the most profound, the most fun, the most interesting — the cool person! Am I wrong? How many followers want to be followed on Twitter? How many people actually have an interest on what’s going on in your everyday life? The more you’re willing to give people a front row seat to watch your life; the more you’re opening yourself up to criticism. Being an online celebrity, paparazzi and all, can find yourself in the shoes of this guy if you don’t play the game smartly.

Rumors, comments being taken out of context, and tagged photos all have a lasting effect on you… and your relationship. Choose your words wisely on the Internets! Overall, sites like Facebook and Twitter have opened the door for self expression, but are they helping us to lose our social skills in the real world? I’m sure another site will come along offering another dimension in the virtual world of cyberspace, but the degree we choose to allow our peers into our personal lives to CTRL+ALT+DEL our relationships is truly up to us.

See what happens when poking goes wrong and answer the question in our comments section:

Clark Kent asks: Can relationships last in the age of online expression? Share your thoughts below!

Clark Kent says: Suedonym is back again this week with another plate of food for thought.

Regardless of orientation you can say that being single in this glamorous city known as New York can be stressful. With all the hoopla about not asking and not telling, at least my preference is socially accepted, and doesn’t leave me with having to fear for my safety. It seems like all through existence we, as people, try so hard to fit in and blend so we don’t get harassed or made out to be a loser. Yet, how is it for those individuals who can’t help but to be different? Their love for another is of their same gender.

While being gay is not some new phenomenon, in recent years we’ve been exposed to more and more homosexual acts in the mainstream media more and more! MTV airs dating shows that features a full gay cast, reality TV experiments with the idea of a single gay cast mate amongst a hodgepodge of heterosexuals. The play to be gay is becoming more and more a publicity thing in some regards, too. But the governments of the world have not made this seeming acceptable social act a legal one in terms of marriage and establishing committed unions. Will there ever truly be equal rights given to people in same-sex relationships?

Recently, I was walking through the subway, and saw a poster that said, “I love my boo,” and it had a picture of two men embracing each other. Trying to look tough on some thug love !$#, I stood there, and stared at it for awhile due to pure shock. I immediately checked myself, wondering why I reacted the way I did, and the answer frightened me. Part of me is scared for my fellow human beings who indeed do like someone of the same sex, yet are a minority. It seems like the world, and America in particular, tries to act ready for an open sexual nation, but in truth most aren’t. I believe people aren’t ready because we hear stories of a teenager committing suicide because his friends (or roommates) expose him and his sexual preference on the Internets. People aren’t ready because they feel like it will taint the definition of manhood in the military. Why bar openly gay people from serving this country? It’s funny to think that some people would rather admit to being a murderer than being gay due to the social stigmas attached.

Will there ever be a day when “Gay America” will get their equal rights? I truly believe so. It’s coming with a bill on the table to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell” — the policy remains in place until President Obama, the Secretary of Defense, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff certify that the repeal will not impede on our safety. For how far we’ve come as a nation, there once was a time when I would have not been able to go to the same school as my best friend. Yes, it takes time for progress to make its mark, and the subject of gay rights is still fresh on America’s consciousness. Once people recognize it as something real and true then minds will change. Isn’t love, love? If there’s one thing I know for sure, we can’t help that fact, and no matter how hard you try to steer clear of queer — the time has come to let people live truly free and openly.

Clark Kent asks: Should homosexuality be legalized? Answer the question and share your thoughts in our comments section below!

Clark Kent says: This week’s episode of SINGLE IN THE CITY is presented by Akron’s own boo-lover, Danika Windom. More after the jump.

We all love the nightlife. At some point or another we have gone out to parties, to clubs, went bar hopping, and bought rounds of shots — only to not remember half the night or the person you’ve woke up laying next to. Then next weekend you do it all over again!

But being a single gal in the city of Akron gets old after awhile. The nightlife just isn’t as fun as it once was. Things all just seem the same in this Digital Age; same bars, same clubs, same lame guys pushing up on you with same tired lines! Am I ready to settle down? Maybe so. If you’re like me and don’t exactly know how to slow down your fast paced life then you may find yourself in a sticky jam. I’m known as the “Party Girl,” and it isn’t an easy reputation to shake, but one I’ve managed to handle with style and pananche. Every woman wants to be taken seriously and settle down with “the one,” but no man wants the girl that parties hard it seems.

Why?

Well, for most women like me, they know how to drink hard… which leads to intense flirting… which leads you into the home of Roberto — the finest dude at the club who was pushing up on you all night. Roberto is ready for his compensation for all those drinks he bough you throughout the night and you are more than willing not to disappoint! Is it so shocking that you don’t hear from Roberto for two weeks? Is it obvious that when he does finally call it’s 2:30am on a Saturday night and he wants to come over? No. Now, you’re all cool with this because you know how the game works, and you’ve always been down for a good time, but times have changed, and you don’t want that image anymore.

In this day of social media and people portraying themselves to be other than themselves, you feel comfortable to change who you are. You decide to be the classy girl, looking for a “real” man, which I guess could vary due to taste! You want a man who’s going to respect you and make you his one and only — but there’s a problem. When one has always been okay with being the “booty call” or “the girl on the side,” the saying rings true in everyone’s ears, “You can’t change a hoe into a housewife.” Now, I’ve never been anyone’s good time girl, I know how to do it with my reputation in tact. But the challenge arises when one wants to revamp or change their image in favor to become wifey material.

There’s always that one friend who gets a couple of drinks in her and is down to show off her love face (so to speak) and as a friend you feel as if you don’t want to over-step your boundaries. As much as you want to say, “Stop hoein’, girl…” you end up telling her, “It’s okay, girl… I know you’re not like that!” It’s exactly like that though, and alcohol is her excuse to make a decision that one day she’ll wake up to regret. This woman cannot make up her mind of what she wants. On one side, she’s ready to settle down and be a one man woman, but she wants someone to be able to handle her as is. On the other side, she’s not ready to accept responsibility for her own destructive behavior, making her reckless and easily susceptible to a man’s ulterior motives.

Change is inevitable in us all, but to adjust into a more positive person it depends on how badly a person wants to be good. Deciding to stay in on nights where you used to go out, putting down the bottle of Patron, and trading it in for a good movie and a glass of Chardonnay is a start. The “Party Girl” label is one that gets slapped onto all the pretty girls who frequent the booty clubs and have an affinity for a strong drink and an even stronger man to dance with on the floor. But does one have enough strength and stamina in her to give up the bull$#!* for the pulpit and be sober for Sunday morning service? While everyone, even myself, likes to say that they don’t care what people think — we do. Wanting to be perceived in all the trendy, positive light — no matter how negative it is — means a time full of friends, frolicking, and fun. If the “party girl” cannot learn how to be alone, then she’ll always follow the crowd into her ripe, old age of being the saggy booty call — never growing into her own full potential.

The moral of this story is that there is nothing wrong with self-improvement and I want all the women out there reading this to know that a good time is more than the drink being poured or the frisky words being whispered in your ear. Never feel that you have to be what greater society says of you if it doesn’t match up to who you are naturally. It’s important to dedicate some time to self-gratification, creating your own hobbies, and honing your likes and dislikes. A life partner outweighs a one-night partner and educating yourself on who you are will help you to avoid awkward conversations with the man who you want to spread the rest of your days with.

I’m not as uptight as this episode may sound, but if you’re trying to show a man that you’re the one that he never thought in a million years would make him want to settle down — then letting him drink the milk for free may not be the best move on the first night. Just some food for thought.

Clark Kent asks: When is it time to grow up and hear the last call for alcohol? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Clark Kent asks: To all the single parents on the Internets maybe you can comment on this week’s episode. More after the jump.

I’m a product of a single parent household. Even though my father was visible and within earshot he wasn’t always available nor did he always teach me those lessons that life taught me immediately. The trend of being in a fatherless home is something of family tradition. The majority of cousins I know who have kids all have fallen into that stigma of being the baby’s something or other. That, in addition to being with another person entirely, leaves me to wonder how that other person feels about the situation.

You come into the relationship understanding of the person’s dilemma but unless your last name is Smith and you’re bringing in eight figures on those checks you can best believe there’s a measure of drama involved. One in particular has an unusual case where she has forsaken men after the birth of her son Jordan and found love in the arms of a woman. Yeah, yeah… I thought it was interesting too.

She would tell me that a woman knows how to love a woman better than a man. What does one do when said woman gives more drama than any man ever would? It seemed to drive my cousin crazy. She would call cursing out the phone before she’d even say hello. “Kev, I can’t stand this mutha^%$#!.” Jokingly I thought she was talking about the father of her child but she set me straight when she said, “No. Lesley’s always complaining when she knows Tuesdays and Thursdays are the times when me and He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless get together to read and spend time with Jordan.”

The plan was initiated to help the kid know his parents even if they couldn’t stand each other. I thought it was the least they could do, but I guess Lesley wasn’t having it. “She’s sabotaging me,” my cousin complained. Wondering how she told me about the time when after coming back to the store Lesley had slickfully started a fight that my cousin jumped right into. Cuz-o is hot tempered so you’re not going to get away with calling her much, let alone out of her name, and when Lesley did so in accusing my cousin of still having feelings for her child’s father — the house almost exploded from their verbal warfare.

The drama left my cousin so drained she called and rescheduled her appointment with her baby’s daddy. As if almost on cue Lesley wanted to make up and I guess there is some truth to girl-on-girl action because cuz-o was singing her praises even though the incident happened a few days ago. But as the saying goes — what goes up, must come down — and they were at it again.

Fighting and frolicking were the seasons of their union and never once did the girlfriend ever raise any stink towards the child’s father — she saved all her ammo for the lil’ one. It sickened me to learn that my cousin’s girlfriend would constantly say snide remarks to the lil’ one and my cousin would allow it — never raising a finger.

All the hype about gay relationships and bullying that are being blasted on the news and my cousin doesn’t think that any of that will affect her seed. I believe that not only will her son find himself questioning a lot of things growing up; his mother will have some explaining to do that she seems unprepared for. Instead my cuz-o is willing to let free love imprison the only person that matters on this Earth.

Her son.

What are some ways one can protect a child from a parent’s drama? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

Clark Kent says: I know you’ve been ready for some football, but with the NBA season starting up in two weeks, it’s only right that Don’t Lose Your Day Job kicks it off right! We brought along some friends too. More after the jump.

On October 27th, the day after the huge NBA season opener, the Cleveland Cavs take on the Eastern Conference champs, the Boston Celtics at 7:00pm. To celebrate Don’t Lose Your Day Job has partnered up with Legendary 44 to place an open-call for all gamers out there to participate in The King of the  Court: NBA 2K11 Tournament.

In addition to showcasing the best competition in Northeastern Ohio, casual gamers and non-players alike can have their own fun (and win prizes) by competing in such classic games as Connect Four, Spades, Checkers, and more. The 2K11 Tournament is open to all genders and races – with the grand prize winner coming away $200 richer.

For the full details see the flyer above or peep the info below:

The King of the Court: NBA 2K11 Tournament

Location: Kent State University’s Rathskellar (Student Center Basement)

Date: October 27th, 2010

Time: 9:00pm (Tournament Begins)

Entry Fee: $15

There are 40 slots open for the tournament. To participate entrants must pay a $15 fee in order to be eligible to win the grand prize. In order to sign up and pay, there will be tables on the second floor of the Student Center and in Oscar Ritchie on campus starting on Monday, October 18th. For any questions hit up Paul Miller or Kevin Clark at their respective pages.

Make sure you tell a friend to come and check out the Cleveland Cavs as they take on the Boston Celtics in their season opener and then stay to see who will win $200 during The King of the Court: NBA 2K11 Tournament!!! There will be food, free giveaways, and prizes to be won! We will also be taking donations at the door so if you like cool and innovative things to do PLEASE SUPPORT!!!

Clark Kent says: Whomever wins will have to face a mysterious challenger? Do you have what it takes to take on the best?! See what #23 has to say below:

Clark Kent says: This week’s episode is a quickie from Danielle Kwateng. Are you ready to go to war? Click the jump to get it poppin’…

I think I realized that love was all a game at 19. Granted being that old wasn’t too long ago, but still it was one of my greatest revelations that I ever discovered.

Love really is a battlefield. You experience the push and pull of amore, both parties trying to one-up the other, all the while wondering what the opponent is thinking, and plotting their next move is the end result.

Now, don’t get me wrong — I enjoy a great game of Taboo — I even dabble in Monopoly. But dating has to be the most complicated game of them all. There are no rules when it comes to matter of the heart. Matter of fact, you never truly win in the end. There’s no pinning ceremony or shiny trophy presented after your wedding day. Honestly happiness is quite anti-climatic.

Generally us human beings are all a bit reserved, not anxious to let our guards down, but once the feelings are out — we then have to make sure the mind is in accordance with the heart — the physical is a whole different story. Sometimes when we contemplate about the complexities of love, I think back to my parents. Years before the distrust and divorce, there was a genuine love between the two. There were moments of sheer content and joy in being with one another, but there always seemed to be an inkling of unbalance in their union as well.

There were times where it seemed like they needed to one-up each other, the condition I mentioned before. Trite arguments that should have quickly been settled and resolved, often escalated by one comment sparking another harsher comment. Neither one would concede defeat, no one would let their guard down fully, and it became increasingly stifling to see that they’d never fully release personal gain over the other person.

Was it selfishness? Maybe.

But as I’ve gotten older and watched a beautiful and rare marriage of decades minify, I found a grain of sense.

True love is a release. Like birthing a child or breathing air out, it’s something we can’t control or manipulate. It requires losing battles and gaining peace in another’s contentment. It’s not a battle but, gratification in gaining a comrade. A war of the roses fought using love as the ultimate weapon.

Ladies — What are some military minded tactics you use to keep love from turning into World War IV? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Clark Kent says: This week’s SINGLE IN THE CITY episode is courtesy of the beautifully named Champagne Braswell. Check out her story after the jump.

For the past two years — I have been single. It’s been mainly due to my own personal choices for my “man drought,” but I will not go into that whole tangent of how there aren’t any good men left. In reality, there are plenty of good men, I’ve met quite a few! I can’t really divulge any names, but the one’s I’ve come across are really hard workers, so I know that I would have had my finances taken care of. The majority of them were young men, too, and there was more to them than what meets the eye. They had jobs and that’s a plus for me! What are some other qualities that us ladies want in a man?

Besides the obvious — financial stability — what do we really want? For me I also need honesty, sensitivity, loyalty, and he has to be cute (yeah, I said it!). These are personality attribute that you’ll see on any woman’s list I believe. You can’t knock the list. We need the list! If you don’t have a list of attributes you want in a man, then you’ll become someone… well, like me. I’d like to call myself a “Buy Here, Pay Here” type of girlfriend. I don’t know if you’ve been to one of these type of establishment, but in Ohio, most of these business are like that out here. For those who have severely bad credit, or need a car to do illegal work with no paper trailer, these establishments do not require anything from you but a down payment, a reference, your address, and your phone number.

This is me when it comes to men. I will take anything and work with anyone. Bad credit? I’ll work with you! Baby mama with seven illegitimate kids?! I’ll work with you. No job?! No worries… I’ll work with you!! Thinking about the men that I’ve dated in the past, officially and unofficially, I do have to laugh at myself — because I was settling. I always looked at it as if I was giving anyone, hell, anyone a chance at love. You never know what would become of said person, so you just try them out because, you never know. You can only hope for the best and who am I to judge someone for the choices they’ve made before me. In the end, I was wrong. Thinking like that was a mistake because I was willing to accept so much and receive so little. Eventually, the cons outweighed the pros.

Ladies, if you do not have a list of attributes that are important to you, you will always accept anything less than what you deserve. It has nothing to do with your looks, your popularity, your credit score — nothing. It has everything to do with your love for yourself. We meet guys all over the place, they’re everywhere, and they have their own individuality. Whether that be their own car, own place, strong work ethic, whatever! What else is important that this person may or may not be able to bring to the table? I definitely know how it feels to date someone who doesn’t work, but I chose to settle, which is a word that comes from the mouths of many of us that we use in vain.

There are women out there who believe that “settling” is when the woman’s income is $90,000 and his is $45k. Or he’s living with his mother or has roommates because it doesn’t matter to him to live alone at this point in life, while you have a three bedroom house with a pool in the back. The differences between you are apparent and you believe that these are all superficial versus the love/relationship growing between the two of you. In reality, we want a man to have more than us, or have things that we don’t even possess. We truly misinterpret what an independent woman truly is because of that serious critique. An independent woman is not supposed to be someone who destroys the man’s role. However, she is able to take care of herself, without having to live day-to-day hoping a man would pay her bills.

All in all — I learned that I will not limit myself to an archetype just because someone feels a certain way about me. A man is more than his bank account, more than his looks, and credit score. Someone who loves everything about you, has big dreams, and is actually making noticeable strides to make them real! Your desire to not settle for what may be considered golden could have you overlooking some beautifully priceless black diamonds.

Ladies — What are the pros and cons to settling in a relationship? What qualities in a man are you looking for? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!